What would I do without?

Well I can tell you that talking to my friend Mindi keeps me from killing myself or someone else that lives very close to me! He owes you a debt of thanks!
I think I took two amitriptyline, instead of one last night. That would account for my extra drowsiness and inability to do anything. But I know falling down yesterday didn't help either. I am sore more than normal. Mymuscles are aching in places they don't normally. So I know thats what did it. Plus my knuckle is swelling up and both Mindi and my Dad mentioned a tetanus shot. I should google "Tetanus" and see what happens if you get it.
I am probably going to need to change my will too. I did have everything going to the husband's daughter,but now I think some of my nicer stuff should go to the few friends who have stood by me even with my Fibromyalgia. So someone maybe getting some diamond jewelry. I you like diamonds!
I want to start writing my book on all the dogs in my life. The recent addition of Callie and the story behind it, has motivated me to get started. There are so many funny and poignant stories of all my dogs, that I know it will make me happy anyway. I can always self publish.
Speaking of self publishing, I began to wonder if I could get my old co-workers,who were SO disappointed with the last OPD "annual" to send me all the photos of themselves and of things that happened,that they would like to see in a book, to me? Instead of going through an uncooperative department, just the cops that contribute could be in the book. I could then add a little history about them. Something I could not do if I tried to make one of the last 25 to 40 years.
I am all over the place today. No wonder since I am so groggy. Maybe playing WWFs will wake me up.

If Wishes were horses

Well another horrible day. Don't mean to be such a Debbie Downer, but I fell down in the slippery grass and cut my hand up. Of course the man I live with, assumes I did this deliberately as I damaged his plant.
I have known him over half my life and if it were humanly possible, I would wish him right out of my head and life. I would have left him years ago when I realized hewasabusing me emotionally with his passive/aggressive behavior.
He has no idea how much I want to leave him and fall in love again. To experience love maybe one more time in my life.
If he was a truly good, caring man, especially about the fact that I have a chronic illness of pain and fatigue I could still love him.
But he doesn't listen to me. He does only what he absolutely has to. And I have frequently thought od just getting in my car and grabbing my dog and just start driving. The problem is, with today's technology. It's almost impossible to become "invisible" now. I long for those days before GPS and computers, where no one could spy on you or track you. Then I would take most of the money in our bank account and just disappear. There are only three or four people that I think would miss me. So I could be free again. But then I really couldn't be free because I need my doctor every month. He is the one that holds me here as a true hostage. That's what this illness and health insurance does. It makes you a hostage to the system.

Oh Finally!

Okay, I get it. You have to give blood to get this thing to post! Well it worked because I ripped my fingers open on the dog food can and blood is everywhere! I think it looks like a mass murder occurred and the way I am feeling, it's not that far off!

I wish I knew why men think that a woman will gladly give her body to him when he has no compassion for her (notice I said COMpassion.) How would I ever want to give my body, much less my love, to someone who lies, misleads, makes decisions about things that affect us both, when he would expect that from me, but doesn't gibe me the courtesy?

I can feel myself at that "breaking point" that all women have. You know what I mean. When you finally say "enough is enough" or you take a handful of Valium to get you through the day?
Since I am financially dependent on him, I guess it's the Valium. I keep saying if I win the lottery "I'm outta here" but damn! I keep forgetting to buy a lottery ticket!
I need to come up with some numbers. I wish the Lottery Goddess would send me some in a dream, email, letter (even with postage due!).
When I think of how many of women as myself I could "save" from their situations, would be in Dog Heaven!

Irritation

I am really getting irritated. I am writing posts but I don't see them later on when I check them. Is the blog God angry with me? Am I violating his TOS? What gives? Have I not earned the right to blog?